psychotic ramble

    i've noticed i have a tendancy to fall in love with guys who are far away and/or that i dont interact with very often.   Much of the emotional conection is based on the idea of a guy vs. how the guy actually /is/; and most of my perception of the guy is tainted by an affiliation with a television character that reminds me of them.  This is certainly not aided by the fact that no guy within close physical distance to myself indicates interest in me. Maybe I'm scared in some way to allow myself to be with someone who is close, so so affix emotions to someone who is out of reach and distant enough to be idealized. because I know that the ideal form will always be perfect, as opposed to the painful reality of imperfection found in every human being around.
    Also i've noticed that i live quite a bit aways from everyone. not just cause i'm out in the boonies but I've sorta always been distanced from, well, everything.     Which is just an example of something that's been naging at me for quite a while: that I've been, for the most part, a goody goody.  Due to my upbringing i'm not sure how much of my virtue is in tact of my own volition or simply from lack of opportunity. Which causes me to bring all my convictions under scrutiny, much to no avail since much of my convictions are untested and it's nearly impossible to determine which are my own if I've not had opertunity to act on them. 






   

Falling. Still falling. Man it's windy out. We've all been there. That vivid dream  Where suddenly and inexplicably we were certain death was imminent. So certain your brain was no longer sure if you were dreaming or if you were really about to die.   And then just before hitting the ground or being shot or stabbed, you'd would wake up. That's how you always know what's a dream: You always wake up. No matter how dead you are in your dream you always wake up. But not this ti--

These are some of my drawings

random cartoon. 

graphite rendering of my dog Tobey. 

trees in the snow

Prophetess of Doom. Charcoal

Bugs' eye veiw of a tree that got hit by lightning and split. colored pencil & charcoal

this cat has the world's bushiest tail. graphite dust and charcoal

noton thingy. 

fortune cookies. after a terrific tasting meal of Chicken Lo Mein there's always that final fortune cookie that comes with the bill. just sitting on top. pleading with you to not lose heart in the decency of mankind just because foreign food is such a massive expense, and easing the pain of your financial loss with a cliche one liner scribled on that slip of paper. emploring you to leave with a smile of contemptment as you pass the aquarium filled with large orange fish. and out the door. what about those numbers on the back, eh?..they're probably an access code. if i walk two blocks over than cut accross the parking lot i can get to the cleaner's before they close..
---
please enter your nine digit security clearance--that automated voice always made his skin crawl. and besides, he didn't have time to wait for the recording to finish, this was earth shatering. he pounded his security code into the keypad then pressed pound-star-one-six-star and waited for someone to answer.
"yes, hullo Control? It's Higgins. you know how i was telling you about project 4tune? Someone's on to us. ...Yessir i'll get the warrent first thing."

This will probably be the longest thing I post.

“..That that government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the earth.” This famous closing line of Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address echo’s in classrooms of schools all over the United States as children recite the famous speech commemorating those who lost their lives in the battle of Gettysburg.   Mr.  Lincoln’s sentiment is certainly shared by all, but the federal government did not take appropriate action during the civil war or in reconstructing the country.

    To know why the Federal Government acted inappropriately, it stands to reason that a demonstration of appropriate action must be provided. Four score and four years before fighting even broke out, the founding fathers crowded into a hall in Philadelphia and penned out the high law that would keep the new nation running smoothly.  They called this high law the Constitution.   The Constitution divided powers among Federal and State and placed ways for either government to keep the other from overstepping into the powers of the other.   To ensure their intentions would not be misunderstood, two years later the Founding Fathers passed ten amendments call the Bill of Rights.   The final of these amendments states as follows, “ the powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”  This means the powers not given to the Federal Government belong to the States.  Among the powers reserved to the States by the Constitution is the power to  choose whether to allow slavery.   The States of the South chose to allow slavery, while the North decided to outlaw slavery in their borders.  For the Southern States the decision was economical, because their export were raw materials from plantations and farming.  The North, being industrialized, had no need for slavery and felt slavery an issue of the conscience.  In congress there was equal representation of slave and free states, but both sides adopted different manners of coping with the other.  Southern States had no desire to convert the North to allow slavery, the Southern States simply wished to exercise their Stately rights.  The North, on the other hand, felt that to allow slavery anywhere within the nations borders would be a contradiction to the independence the nation had fought to gain from Britain and almost began trying to push laws through congress to outlaw slavery in Southern States as well.  While the North was acting from good intentions, to pass such a law would take power from the States that was not a power given to the Federal Government and would violate the Constitution.  Under the Constitution the Southern States were able to keep the North from gaining the two thirds majority needed to pass an amendment.  The North and Southern States were working within the means allotted to them, the North by trying to introduce an amendment, and the Southern States by keeping the other side from taking power that was not theirs to take.  The point of the matter remains that to make a federal law ruling one way or the other on the subject of slavery would be a violation of the States powers.  To act appropriately is to operate within the powers given under the Constitution.

     It was a short period of time before the Federal Government began to act outside their powers. The Federalist party in the North and the Democratic party in the South continued their dance of States rights versus Federal Sovereignty for a greater part of eighty years.  Neither party gained an upper hand until the issue was brought into review for the new territories in the west seeking to join these United States.  After much deliberation and several violent demonstrations by both parties, it was decided that the entering state choose their status of slave of free, regardless of geographical location or whether another state would be joining to maintain the  Congressional balance.  When California joined these United States in 1850, the scales tipped in favour of the North and the Federalist party.  The Southern States knew it would not be long before their Stately powers began to disappear all together.   The Election of 1860 confirmed their suspicion that the end of State’s equality was neigh.  Rather than allow their Stately powers to be removed, the Southern States exercised their final right: secession. Several of the Southern States had specifically listed in their state constitutions that leaving the Union was their right, and the 10th Amendment protected this right since it was not removed from the states under the constitution. Even though the North had approved all these state constitutions upon the states’ admittance into the Union, those in the North was indignant that the Southern States would leave.  The Federal Government refused the former states’ request to remove federal troops from their land and a fire-fight ensued, after which Congress declared war on the now Confederate States of America.  Since the Southern States were no longer in the Union to serve as a counter balance to the pull of the Federalists, the Federal Government seized sovereignty. The action taken by the Federal Government to retrieve it’s lost territory was a violation of the same territory’s constitutional right to leave.  During the Civil War the Federal Government kicked the Constitution aside to act on their emotional impulses to regain the territory they lost. If a government does not regard the very foundation that established it’s authority, it becomes accountable to nothing, and unaccountable action is never appropriate action.
     After the war ended, it was time to patch up the nation.  At first ,President Johnson took over Reconstruction.  Being sympathetic to the South,  he only required an apology from the state leaders before allowing them re-admittance into the Union. When Congress returned to session, they correctly assessed that it was not within the powers of the Executive office to admit Sates and declared everyone Johnson had admitted to be in fact not part of the Union until they met new congressional requirements for statehood. This new list of requirements removed the states right to secede, and declared states entering The United States could not allow slavery.  The states no longer had equality with the Federal Government and the South begrudgingly complied with the new criteria.  Even though the 13th Amendment was Ratified, it was not enforced well enough to do any benefit. For example, many of the Southern States had “Black Codes” that controlled the movements of slaves, and upon re-entering the United States, these states simply changed their codes to read “Freedman,” leaving the former slaves to smart under oppression.  Another two amendments were ratified, stating that the Former slaves were in fact citizens and entitled to the rights to vote, and would not be deprived of their right to life, liberty or property by law.  These amendments did not stop radical groups from often successfully dissuading the new freedmen from exercising these rights through use of violence.  Even though the Federal Government was attempting to do right, their actions were not just outside their powers, but also ineffective. 
     In both instances the federal Government has seized powers previously reserved to the states, and in both instances the action taken had disastrous side effects, making room for the Federal Government to further extend into the States’ powers.  Since the Federal Government seized sovereignty under the Lincoln  and Johnson Administrations,  the economic and educational standing of the country have only suffered. Our Country is far below the standard it once was so close to grasping, yet can we say that all our country has lost is justified by our strong national unity that has led to the defeat of tyrants such as Adolf Hitler and Sadam Hussain? Without a doubt a divided nation would have brought a less-free earth at the close of the World Wars. As a citizen of a once great nation, I cannot help feeling torn between pride for the freedom we’ve helped bring to other nations, and yet sadness for our own careless treatment of the very freedoms we fought to share with other nations. The Federal Government may have acted inappropriately during and after the Civil War, but it is a greater crime committed by we the people who take our rights and freedom for granted. 

"honestly, what is it about [computers] that bothers you so much?"
"the smell"
"computers don't smell."
"i know. smell is one of the most powerful triggers to memory there is. the scent of a flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell musty and rich. the knowledge gained from a computer has no texture, no context. tis' there and then it's gone. if it's to last it should be tangible- it should be Smelly"
--Buffy The Vampire Slayer


~*~

I've always loved books. Books rent space in your mind, set up a stage, and usher you to sit in the front row as they spin tales of countries near and far, and peoples doing all sorts of wonderful things. The only limits to what can be accomplished are what can be imagined. 

Thin peices of plywood with small nails pointing out of both sides. not long enough to do any serious damage, just enough to make you think twice about clenching your fist around it. strong enough to hold down the edge of the carpet from foot traffic but easily ripped up. still does it's job even though it's rotted clear through.

Life ain't so different. Ya gotta hold it like it's tack board if you don't want to wind up with blood on your hands.